From the desk of Greatest Ex-President Ever Jimmy Carter:
To: President Barak Hussein Obama
Dear President Obama,
I know that this is a tough time for you right now, which is why I have decided to reach out to you with a helping hand. I realize you have not yet actually asked for my assistance, but I decided that must be because you are just too busy to get around to it. As a result I decided to make things easier for you and go ahead and give you the benefit of my great wisdom and experience as a world leader and peace maker. After all, we Nobel Prize winners have to stick together.
So, Egypt is all in a mess. Well let me tell you, when it comes to the Middle East being a mess, I know all about it. First of all, look at this President Mubarak fellow. He really is just like the Shah of Iran. He spent years thinking that if he could just play up to the United States and act like our friend, then we would somehow be obligated to bail him out when he finally got into trouble. I have to tell you, that kind of thinking just really chafes my buns. I am sick and tired of all the little people in Egypt, South Korea, Israel, Colombia, Poland, Georgia and Great Britain thinking that we owe them anything. After all, if they can't manage their own affairs, why should we step in for them?
Look at it this way. Sure the Muslim Brotherhood isn't perfect, but who are we to judge? After all, what country in the world is more racist, imperialist, self-righteous and greedy than the United States? So if the Muslim Brotherhood hates this country, then they must be on the right track. Believe me, I cannot begin to tell you how much hatred I've felt for this country since 1980. I since a lot of that same hate in you, and it makes me warm inside. So if the Muslim Brotherhood recognized the United States for the Great Satan it really is, and wants to throw Mubarak out for siding with the neo-cons and Jews who were running the place before you took over, why should we care? After all, they are only doing what's best for their own country.
Back in the seventies I took a hard line against the Shah in Iran, and I can honestly tell you I have never regretted it. Sure, the Ayatollah made a few harsh judgments when he took over, but after all, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. So if a few of those morons over there who were dumb enough to side with America when that cowboy Bush was in charge get their heads removed, is that really such a bad thing? And look at it this way: It's one step closer to the day when Israel no longer exists. Now I KNOW we can all get together on that, can't we?
Okay, these are just a few quick thoughts I put together for you. Remember, I'm only a phone call away any time you need some free advice.
Your friend and admirer,
Greatest Ex-President Ever Jimmy Carter
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