From the desk of the Rev. J. Wright
Dear United States Department of Agriculture,
I see that a Federal Judge is finally making you do the right thing and pay money to all of the poor African American farmers that you have been robbing, stealing from, and generally looting and pillaging all of these past four hundred years. The judge is, of course, many days late and many dollars short, but at least it's a starting place. We African Americans know how it is with you folks there in Washington D.C. and your crooked ways, and it's time to set things straight.
Speaking of which, I am writing you to present my claim for my fair share of the Pigford settlement money. As you are doubtlessly well aware, I am a world-renowned expert on chickens and their roosting habits. I have been consulted with by many of the greatest minds of our age, including the current President of the United States, B. Hussein Obama, concerning the roosting habits of chickens and the application thereof to American policy. Why even those blue-eyed devils at Fox News are well aware of my expertise.
It is true that I have been dwelling in the Chicago Illinois area for the last few years, which I realize is not an area well known for chicken farming. I assure you, however, this is no fault of my own. For many years I have longed to have a little place in the country where I could quietly raise my chickens and let them have a home in which to roost. The evil Zionist Jews who run this country, however, have spent years preventing me from being able to have my own forty acres of chicken ranch. I have been a victim of racial discrimination by those same Jews who even now prevent me from being able to speak to my young protege, the Immaculated One, B. Hussein Obama.
Since I was prevented from having my own chicken ranch by those hateful Jews and their blue-eyed devil co-conspirators, I was forced to spend decades toiling away as a poor inner-city minister, trying to bring the good news of the gospel of black liberation theology to a lost and dying ghetto. Oh how I longed for a peaceful little place in the country, covered up with chickens, gratefully roosting their tired little heads in my very own chicken coops. But those Jews always stopped me!
Since I have been deprived of my own fair opportunity to run a chicken ranch, which I understand is a most profitable, peaceful and easy way to make a living, I am demanding reparations! I demand no less than a million dollars for every year I was not allowed to raise chickens! No giblets, no peace! You white devils better come up with my money before I wring your necks, pluck you bare, cut out all your giblets and fry you up! Your chickens have done come home to roost, now it's time for my chickens to come home to roost! And my chickens are colored money green, amen!
Remember, should you refuse my claim, I will be in touch with MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN, ABC, CBS, NBC and the Huffington Post! You better believe that word will get through to my spiritual son Obama one way or another! Dem Jews may have kept me away so far, but I will get through! My chickens will be heard from, and they will roost, and then they will lay me a bunch of money green eggs, can I get an amen!
Please make all checks payable to the Rev. J. Wright.
Sincerely,
The Rev. J. Wright, Aspiring Chicken Rancher
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