Lawyers for Obamacare Speak Out

From the desk of D. Mephistopheles, Attorney-at-Law:

To:  President B. Hussein Obama

Dear President Obama,

Well, I must admit, we did not see this one coming.  Granted, my firm has been around for eons, but that doesn't necessarily mean we can see the future.  The other side generally reserves that privilege for himself, which is typical as he refuses to play fair when fighting against us.  But enough complaining, we'll just have to soldier on and make this work.


First of all, look on the less dark side.  Okay, so one judge in one court said "no" to your great plan.  So what?  It's not like we've never had to ignore a judge before.  Remember Andrew Jackson and the Cherokee people?  As I recall, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Cherokees, and they still got marched away on the Trail of Tears (a personal favorite of mine in your nation's history).  Do you understand what I'm saying here?  Jackson ignored the Court and is still hailed as a great man in your country to this day.  Why can't you have the same legacy?

Now, as to all these nabobs nattering negatively at you about "freedom".  It's time to remind them that "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose".  Of all the quotes that came out of the hippies, that has to be one of my all-time top-ten favorites.  Remind people that they can have their freedom, but it will come at the expense of having access to doctors and medicine.  While this may not be strictly true in all cases, it will be true enough in a few scattered cases that you can find some poor slob to go on TV with you begging for health care to get his ingrown hemorrhoids removed.  Remember, it's all about appearances.  If enough of your populace that's mind-numbed by eighteen hours a day of Springer sees one of their own crying that he'll happily give up his freedom for a free refill of his percocet, the rest of them will join in quickly enough.  After all, if it's on TV then they'll always believe it's real.

I also believe it's important that we make an example of this judge right away.  I suggest you get in touch with Bill Ayers on this one.  Look, after what happened in November, it's time for the gloves to come off, okay?  If you want to be the Man, you have to beat the Man.  Look at Putin, Chavez, Mugabe, Jintao, Castro and the rest of your heroes.  Do you see ANY of these REAL MEN sitting around waiting for a judge to give them permission on what to do?  Then quit crying in the ladies' room and man up.  It's time to let the people know who's in charge.

Speaking of which, you really should have put that civilian security force you promised in place already.  They'd be a big help right about now.  I suppose you could use the TSA, but having gotten an up close look at those folks I really don't think they're going to be up to the task.  Maybe you could use the funds still floating around in your stimulus slush fund to send a bunch of SEIU guys off for training for a few weeks.  Just a thought.  Whatever you do, just do something.  Some of my lower downs in the firm are beginning to get a feeling that you are not really in control.  Believe me, you do NOT want them to smell weakness coming from you.  Once that happens they'll call in your contract faster than you can say "human flesh roasting on an open fire".

Just as a final note I have to ask whether all this would really be happening without that blasted Tea-Bagger movement harassing you all the time?  And if not, would those Tea-Baggers be able to harangue you without the open airwaves for radio and a free internet?  And if not, then why hasn't your man Holder done something about the FCC and the Fairness Doctrine already?  Sounds to me like you've got your New Year's Resolution right there.  Only I wouldn't wait to then if I was in your shoes.  Time to get to work Barry, before you have to answer to MY boss.

Be seeing you soon,

D. Mephistopheles, Attorney-at-Law