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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Chinese President Hu Jintao Visits United States President Obama

Official White House Tapes of Meeting Between Presidents Obama and Hu Jintao
19 January 2011
Commence 09:15:09 EST

POTUS:  Mr. President, allow me take this opportunity to extend the warmest possible welcome on behalf of the American people, I hope that this meeting can be productive and mutually......

POPRC:  Lower!

POTUS:  Ummm, excuse me?

POPRC:  If you are going to bow like that, do it right!  Bow lower!

POTUS:  Oh, okay, sorry, didn't realize I was doing it wrong.  Is this better?

POPRC:  Lower!  And why you look at me like that, barbarian?

POTUS:  Ummm, okay, I guess I can get a little lower?  But aren't you supposed to make eye contact when you bow?  I mean, that's how it was in the first Karate Kid movie and all that....

POPRC:  Shut up!  Bow lower!  Can't you do anything right?  All I want to see is back of your head!  Okay, I guess that best you can do, stupid barbarian dog.  Now let's get down to business.

POTUS:  Um, okay, sure, yeah.  Listen, I think we need to talk about this whole currency business.  Some of my folks over at treasury....

POPRC:  Shut up!  What for you try to tell me about currency?  You think currency is magic American credit card you just spend whatever you want and bill never comes due!  Why you think you can talk to me about currency, you greedy capitalist pig-dog!  I tell you, you no tell me!  You understand that?

POTUS:  Well, seriously, I don't think this is a good way to get started....

POPRC:  Shut up!  I cut off your credit tomorrow, then where you be?  No Obamacare, that for sure.  No welfare payments.  I cut off your credit, all your own people come cut off your head!  How you like that?  I tell you about currency, you no tell me!

POTUS:  Okay, okay, I get your point.  What is it you want?

POPRC:  America on gold standard.

POTUS:  What?

POPRC:  You hear me first time, barbarian pig-dog!  I tell you America on gold standard!

POTUS:  Okay, look, I don't even know if that's possible.  I mean I could talk to Tim Geithner about some metals for securities swaps, if that'll make you feel better, but the gold standard?  Seriously?

POPRC:  Let me put this in American so you can understand!  Who's your daddy?  Who's your daddy?  Me!  Hu is your daddy!  And I tell you go on gold standard and you say yes daddy Hu and do it!

POTUS:  Okay, look, I think we're getting a little out of control here....

POPRC:  Out of control?  You have fourteen trillion in debt, you want to leave me holding the bag, and you think I am out of control?  You go on gold standard or I call in all markers!  No more credit!  You won't even be able pay interest!  No goodies for your voters!  They put you out on street faster than week old dog-rolls at Benny Hana! 

POTUS:  Okay, but seriously, how am I supposed to make this work?

POPRC:  You transfer gold.

POTUS:  What?

POPRC:  All of it!  I not just talking about Fort Knox.  We know that is rinky-dink, just tip of iceberg.  You transfer all gold from Federal Reserve in New York.  You also transfer rights to all gold mines in America.

POTUS:  But the American people will never allow that to happen....

POPRC:  Shut up!  Bow again, barbarian pig-dog!  You want to tell me no?  Fine, tell American people no more cheap credit from China!  No more welfare checks!  No more health care!  No more stimulus!  No more bailouts!  You tell them that, see where it gets you!  They call you President Takes the Toys Away and impeach your skinny butt, that where it gets you!  Now tell me, who's your daddy?

POTUS:  Hu is.

POPRC:  That's right!  Now get my gold on a ship and on its way.  I already have logistics schedule prepared for you.  See right here, train from New York, ship from San Francisco, all out of country by next week!  You get started now.  Don't worry, I take care of all gold for you real fine.  Now we settle currency issue, let's talk Taiwan....

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