Transcript of President Obama's prepared remarks for Martin Luther King day:
Comrades and citizens of amerikkka,
I am here to speak to you today about a dream. Not just any dream, but the most important dream in the history of this country. I am here to speak to you today about My dream, and the power it has to transform this country from the superstitious wasteland which poisons the rest of the world today with its violent conduct and misbegotten notions of liberty, to a country which my beautiful wife, Michelle, can be proud of all the time, not just when I am winning elections.
I tell you that only two short years ago I was elected President, as was My Chosen Destiny, an election whose shadow still hovers over us. But I must tell you that two long years later this country is still not free. This Amerikkka of yours is still not free of the superstitious crutch upon which so many of you people lean, that old bible to which you cling. This country is still not free of the pernicious influence of violence, whose sole cause is the tenacity with which you cling to your guns and ammunition. And so I speak to you today to dramatize this shameful condition.
In a sense what I bring you here today is spare change. I promised you hope and change, and I have delivered. I have changed the face of health care, I have changed the composition of the military, I have cashed every check I could get my hands on for stimulus funds. But there is still a little bit of spare change I need to implement. And I am going to implement it now!
It would be a mistake for John Boehner and his Republican cronies to try to stall or reverse my change. My change is the fierce urgency of getting My Way, which is the Only True and Right Way, right now! Trying to forestall My change is nothing short of sedition and heresy, and will be prosecuted right now!
Let Me say as well to you Tea-baggers out there, I know what is in your shriveled hearts and shrunken minds! I know that all you people can think about is wrongful deeds of violence and how to perpetrate them! My people will do whatever they have to in order to implement My spare change! They will be in your faces, they will bring a gun to the fight, they will engage in hand to hand combat, and they will punish My enemies!
There are some out there looking at My Great Plan, with its stimulus, health care and bailouts, and ask whether I will ever be satisfied. I can never be satisfied as long as poor Muslims are the victims of this nation's brutality. I can never be satisfied while transvestites are denied their inalienable right to join the marine corps. I can never be satisfied while the poor undocumented workers from south of the border are stripped of their dignity because they are denied access to high-paying jobs, free health care, free education and cut-rate mortgages. I cannot be satisfied until all this country's wealth has been given away in a flowing river of entitlements, which is the only proper way to spend your ill-gotten gains.
I have a dream that one day every job in this nation will be filled by an affirmative action hire!
I have a dream that one day the hills of georgia and the other confederate states will once more run red with blood as the sons and daughters of slave-holders pay the just and ultimate price for their forefathers sins!
I have a dream that one day every state will know the true meaning of freedom by providing partial-birth abortions on demand at taxpayer expense!
I have a dream where one day you people no longer use code words like "character", but admit that anyone who opposes Me and My Great Plan is a racist!
This is My Dream, the Most Important Dream in the history of amerikkka, and I call on you today to join Me in it! And if you do not, I hope you enjoy your IRS audit.
Your Great Leader in the Struggle,
President for Life B. Hussein Obama
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