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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Obama Addresses House Vote to Repeal Health Care Bill

From the desk of President B. Hussein Obama:

Dear Comrades and Citizens of amerikkka,

Yesterday, as I was entertaining the handsome, debonair and delightful President Hu Jintao of China, the republicans in the House of Representatives decided to attempt to upstage Me by holding a ridiculous vote to repeal My Great Health Care Initiative.  Although it is in actuality below Me to address the matter, I have decided to do so in order to attempt to enlighten you bitter clingers in fly-over country.

First of all, this is a wasted effort.  My faithful servant in the Senate, Harry Reid, will never allow this repeal vote to come to the floor.  As long as Harry Reid stands fast, which I am sure will be just as long as I need him to, there is no way this repeal rebellion can move forward, and so you Tea-bagger rebels are doomed to lose.

Now, suppose, just suppose, Harry Reid were to fail Me (just before he is cast into outer darkness), what would happen then?  Suppose, just suppose, a few of the weaker members of My party gave way and allowed the repeal bill to move forward?  Then I would, of course, issue a veto.  Your petty votes are meaningless to Me, as you should well know by now.  What is it to Me if you vent your misplaced anger in meaningless votes?  Nothing.  But for you it is a very different matter.

By the time the 2012 election rolls around, the amerikkkan people will have forgotten this matter altogether.  I know the amerikkkan people quite well.  You are weak and stupid, and can only barely remember your own names from day to day.  By 2012 this will no longer even be an issue.  You have neither the intelligence nor the force of will to defeat My Program.  Even now My forces are coming together.  I can execute My Agenda through executive orders, with no need for your pitiful Congress.  You have completely underestimated the power of the dark side, and now your failure is complete.  You may choose to let your rage take hold of you now if you wish, but nothing can prevent My victory.

So have your pathetic little votes.  Stage your ridiculous little protests.  Prattle on your meaningless babble about the "constitution", "natural rights", "amerikkkan exceptionalism", "divine providence" and whatever other dribble you can cook up in your fevered imaginations.  Your votes mean nothing to Me, and I AM the Ruler here now.  I won My election, and there is nothing you can do about it.  I will continue to win every time, for the amerikkkan people will love Me as they come to realize more and more that I AM the Leader with the Dream, I AM the Leader in The Struggle, and all who oppose me are traitors and blasphemers.

In the meantime, Tim Geithner tells me the IRS just came up with a whole new list of Congresspeople who need to be audited, along with their spouses, children, parents, staffers and campaign donors.  I guess he's going to be quite busy in the next few weeks.  Well, that's the price you pay if you want to bring a knife to this gun fight.

Remember, Freedom through Work.

Your President for Life,

B. Hussein Obama

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