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Sunday, January 23, 2011

President Obama Issues Pardon for Pennsylvania Abortion Doctor Kermit Gosnell

From the desk of President B. Hussein Obama:

Dear Comrades in The Struggle,

It is with deep concern that I have watched the events unfolding in Philadelphia the last few days.  The continuing persecution of Dr. Kermit Gosnell, whose work in protecting the right of womyn to exercise free choice has been a beacon of social justice that all medical professionals should emulate, has been placed in jeopardy by an overzealous prosecutor and a grand jury with a lack of legal understanding and no knowledge of constitutional law.


First of all, let me begin by saying that Roe v. Wade has settled once and for all that womyn have a right to terminate their pregnancies at any point, up to and including the fourth trimester.  This right is absolutely essential in My Struggle and social justice.  Without the right to abortion on demand we would find amerikkka back in the throes of the patriarchal dictatorship when people were supposed to exercise "restraint" rather than being able to freely express themselves in whatever way they saw fit.  Dr. Gosnell, with his heroic actions to preserve free choice for womyn, has shown the way forward for all of My faithful followers.  Our commitment to the preservation of choice must be absolute, trumping any other concerns.

Secondly, I wish to point out that had the rest of the Senate had the foresight to follow My leadership against the dictator Bush, this would not even be an issue.  I stood alone against the puritanical sex police who shoved the Born Alive Infants Act down this nation's throat.  The trouble Dr. Gosnell currently suffers is due entirely to this vile law and its pernicious, unconstitutional insistence on trying to attach "human rights" to an insignificant blob of cells.

You people out there have got to accept the truth.  The truth is that if womyn don't want to be punished with a baby, then it is there absolute right to not be punished with a baby.  The stage of development for the fetal tissue is completely irrelevant to this argument.  The ONLY thing that matters is the preservation of womyn's right to choose.  NOTHING else has any meaning whatsoever in this debate.  The fascist, anti-choice right would have you believe that they are trying to preserve "life".  Well, the Supreme Court has already determined what is and what is not "life", and once the Supreme Court has given a ruling I agree with then the matter is settled for all time.

For these reasons I am issuing a full pardon for Dr. Kermit B. Gosnell.  I am also directing Attorney General Eric Holder to launch a full scale criminal probe into the actions of both the prosecutor and the grand jury in this case.  A.G. Holder has assured Me that he expects to return indictments against both the prosecutor and all members of the grand jury for civil rights violations against Dr. Gosnell no later than the end of business today.

As an added measure, I have determined that this attempt to stifle womyn's right to choose requires immediate action to protect that right by Myself.  Thus, I am immediately revoking My previous executive order prohibiting the provision of abortion services under My Great Health Initiative.  I am also considering Dr. Gosnell for the post of Surgeon General, unless a spot on the Supreme Court comes open for him first.

Your Leader in The Struggle,

President for Life B. Hussein Obama

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