Transcript of Countdown With Keith Olbermann from January 17, 2011
Keith Olbermann: Tonight, live from Tucson, Arizona, we are once again joined by the absolute zenith, the paragon, the creme de la creme of American law enforcement, Sheriff Clarence Dupnik! Sheriff Dupnik, thanks for being on the show again. I understand that you have unearthed more evidence in the Tea-bagger attack that took place there, and now believe it may be part of a broader conspiracy linked to a previous attack.
Sheriff Dupnik: That's right, Keith. The crack investigative squad at my office has been doing non-stop research for days using the latest in technology and criminal justice technology. In this case, that means we've been following up on a long list of leads that have been forwarded to our e-mail account from the Huffington Post. If that ain't high tech, I don't know what is. After all, we're using computers.
K.O.: With you so far, sheriff. Okay, what have you learned from the Huffington Post?
S.D.: Well, it turns out that the shooting here in Tucson is connected to another shooting that took place last year. We've been getting all kinds of leads on this, and we think we've got an air-tight case. It looks like we're going to be able to tie the Tea-bagger movement to another rampage, and expose them for the violent conspiracy they really are.
K.O.: Sheriff Dupnik, I hardly know what to say! Sounds to me like you're the man to save America! Tell me, who are these intrepid citizen journalists coming forward from the Huffington Post to provide you with this information?
S.D.: Well, Keith, unfortunately I really can't say because they all send me these posts anonymously. Unless "Red Diaper Dandy in Berkeley" is somebody's real name, but I think it's just a alias. At any rate, these folks don't want their names out there, which I can understand, since they're so scared of the Tea-baggers.
K.O.: Absolutely, sheriff, absolutely. But at least you know the information is legitimate since it's coming from the Huffington Post. Tell me, what is this other shooting?
S.D.: Well, it turns out that Nadal Hasan fellow who shot up Fort Hood last year was actually a member of the Tea-bagger movement. That makes two connected attacks by the Tea-baggers in two states, which ought to get the FBI involved in hunting down Palin and her terrorist army asap!
K.O.: Nadal Hasan? But I thought he was a......
S.D.: Exactly, Keith, exactly. That's just what they wanted you to think. The Tea-baggers got one of their own to pose as a Muslim, which is of course the religion of peace, and then commit this crime to turn Americans against the poor peaceful followers of the religion of peace. The whole Fort Hood attack was a plot by Sarah Palin, and Nadal Hasan is actually a secret member of the Tea-bagger movement. See, Palin, along with her co-conspirators Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh, figured if they could get some guy to pretend to be a follower of Islam and kill a bunch of soldiers, it would get Americans all fired up for George Bush Jr.'s illegal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
K.O.: Incredible! So Palin was not only behind the shooting in Tucson, she was behind the Fort Hood attack as well! Sheriff, it's all coming together for me now! I can't believe I didn't see it earlier! You've got to be the most incredible detective in the history of the world! Tell me, what kind of hard evidence do you have at this point?
S.D.: Well, mostly e-mails from the Huffington Post. That and my own gut instincts, which is quite a bit when you've been in law enforcement as long as I have. I think we have enough here to forward to Eric Holder at the Department of Justice to get a warrant for the arrest of Palin, Beck and Limbaugh right away. I also think there's a good chance we can get the Tea-bagger movement declared a conspiracy against the government and have the FBI, Federal Marshals, BATFE and IRS move against any and all Tea-baggers immediately. This may even give us enough ammo to go back and retroactively impeach Bush!
K.O.: Sheriff Dupnik, what can I say? My legs are tingling! Keep up the great work, and feel free to come back and update us here on the program as soon as you have more info!
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