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Monday, November 8, 2010

Sooner Sharia

From the bench of Vicki Miles-LaGrange, Chief U.S. District Judge for the Western District of Oklahoma:

Re: Oklahoma ballot initiative banning Sharia

I am issuing an injunction against the hateful, malicious, racist and most of all Islamaphobic ballot initiative recently passed and signed into law by the ignorant, red-neck Tea-baggers who oppose Allah (peace be upon His name), His holy prophet Muhammad (peace be upon his name as well) and our Great Leader, President for Life B. Hussein Obama (yet more peace be upon his name).  After a complete and thorough review of the case, appropriate laws, and existing precedents, I have decided that there can be no grounds in the will of Mighty Allah (peace times two upon His name) for you infidel pigs, dogs and monkeys to oppose the use of Sharia, the only true and just way, to govern yourselves in the puny state of oklahoma.  

I have seen the arguments that you unnatural sons of immoral women put forward against the use of Sharia, the only true right way, in your state courts.  Although it is beneath my intellect to explain myself to the likes of you simpering chimpanzees, I will do my best to make it clear to you why this is a just and necessary decision.  

First of all, please cease your petulant whining about the separation of church and state enshrined withing the first amendment of the u.s. constitution.  I am well aware of this separation, and of the unbreakable wall it builds between church and state.  I am fully aware that this law prevents you from praying to your false messiah in public schools, that it prevents you from posting the commandments of the lesser prophet moses on public property.  I am completely versed in the proper role of the government in prohibiting the pernicious cancers of judaism and christianity from being spread through our culture.  

While we understand that church and state are separated by the constitution, I can find no mention whatsoever in the constitution for a separation of MOSQUE and state.  Hence, while banning the bible, and any teachings derived from it, from the public sphere is both necessary and desirable, banning the Holy Koran (peace and peace and peace be upon it) is neither necessary nor desirable.  Furthermore, you must make yourselves understand that Muslims, as followers of the True Path, are a persecuted minority within this bigoted nation, and as such have a constitutional right to extra protections under the law.  This is especially true for the religious practices of the followers of the Holy Prophet Mohammad (peace times two plus infinity upon his name) as they strive to bring enlightenment to this benighted continent.  

In short, not only am I making my injunction against this ballot initiative permanent, I am also issuing a judicial order requiring the teachings of Sharia be a mandatory course for all public school students within the state of oklahoma.  It is my fervent prayer that in so doing that I can at least remove the bigotry and racism from your illegitimate children, even if I cannot reach your rebellious ears.  In time they will come to realize their need for acceptance of the Holy Prophet Mohammad (peace, peace and more pieces of peace upon his name) or to humbly submit to their proper roles as dhimmi to the true believers.  This order is to be implemented immediately, and failure to do so will result in a bench warrant for contempt of court be issued against any and all opponents.  

It pains me, a Federal Judge for Life, to have to explain myself to such infidel pigs, dogs and monkeys as you pathetic, racist, Islamophobic rednecks of oklahoma.  Suffice it to say that my intellect is beyond your grasp, my enlightenment beyond your understanding, and my power as a Federal Judge beyond your ability to resist.  You must learn to submit now, for resistance is futile.  


Vicki Miles-LaGrange, Chief U.S. District Judge for the Western District of Oklahoma

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