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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Governor Moonbeam Plans Solar Renaissance

From the desk of Governor Moonbeam:

Dear Citizens of California,

As you are aware, we are suffering a serious crisis in both our budget and our energy supply.  Fortunately, after serious deliberation, I have devised a plan which will solve both of these problems.

In order to solve our energy crisis, my advisers have determined that we will need to install 21,150,000 square miles of solar panels.  Obviously it will be difficult to find enough room for these panels, but fear not, I have a plan for that as well. My advisers have assured me that it will be possible to fire solar panels into a low gyosyncronous orbit directly above the state of California, from which position they will employ the energy projection theories of Nikolas Tesla to beam electricity directly to our homes and businesses.  I have been assured that this plan is fool proof and environmentally friendly.  Not only that, but if we can place these millions of miles of solar panels directly over the desert they will provide some handy shade in the summertime heat!

There is, of course, the problem of financing the space vehicles which will carry these solar panels into orbit.  Fortunately, I have a plan for that as well.  We will simply refuse to appeal the decision overturning our ridiculous ban on gay marriage.  Once gay marriage is fully legal here in California, we can charge $1,000.00 per marriage license to out of state couples.  This will bring in tremendous revenue, not to mention a boom for the tourist industry as those couples choose to honeymoon here as well.  Nothing can go wrong!

Once our fleet of solar panels is in orbit, my advisers and I estimate that we will actually have MORE power than we need to sustain our lifestyle.  As a result, we will be able to sell our excess electrical power to neighboring states, generating even more revenue for our great state programs.  Since we will soon be generating excess power, I have authorized my people in the state government to go ahead and start shutting down our existing power plants.  Don't worry, any brown outs will only be temporary until our space panel fleet is in place.

There is also the question of manpower necessary in order to put together the solar panels and rocket ships.  For reasons I have not yet been able to figure out, many of our top engineering workers have chosen to move to other states.  That's really no problem, however, as I have a back-up workforce available.  Currently we incarcerate far too many unfortunate souls in this great state who have simply never had a real opportunity.  I have authorized the Department of Education to begin providing training courses in engineering to our prison inmates.  Soon these former thieves, rapists and murderers will be transformed into a brilliant, top-notch team of engineers leading us into the future!  Finally, they will be given the educational and economic opportunities previously denied to them, as a result of which they will give up their lives of crime and enter civil society as productive citizens.  It will be a beautiful thing!

So there you have it.  Unlike my last stab at being governor, I actually have a plan this time around.  And as you can see, it's a plan guaranteed to carry us into a true Golden State Future!  I look forward to meeting you in person soon.


Governor Jerry Moonbeam Brown

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