Eric Holder suggests Fairness

Dear Mr. President,

I fear that Your Great Agenda has suffered a grievous setback. I regret that has been the case, and assure You that I did all within my power to avert this catastrophe. Why, I had my minions from the New Black Panther Party on the case again in Philly, and actually inside the precincts down in Texas, but this rebellious people still chose to ignore the True Path of Your Glorious Wisdom.

I believe we both know the problem here. The minds of the proletariat of this nation are constantly poisoned by the drivel which emanates from the fascist, racist, islamophobic, homophobic, misogynist, baby-eating, right-wing talk radio. The enemies of Your Great Wisdom constantly attack and harry you from their perches atop the EIB network like harpies swooping down upon hapless lambs. This must come to an end.

I have two words for you: Fairness Doctrine. We do not need the Congress in order to implement it. Simply give an executive order to the FCC and it will be done. Congress may howl, but we have precedent on our side. It has been done before, it may be done again. I strongly believe the courts will uphold you decision. And even if they do not, so what? After all, who controls enforcement of the laws in this pathetic country?

Once You give the order, I can re-implement the fairness doctrine. Those nay-sayers who blaspheme against you will be out of business faster than a burrito stand full of cockroaches. No more Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity or Ingraham. We'll sweep them and their ilk aside in no time. I might add that there's no reason this couldn't apply to television stations, even cable ones, as well. After all, who really needs Fox News.

Let's face it, what they have done to You is unfair. The Fairness Doctrine can help us overcome the right wing enemies of Yours once and for all. I simply await your orders.

Your humble servant,

Attorney General Eric Holder