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Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Rev. J. Wright Addresses Lame Duck Session

Official Transcript of Remarks to Commencement of Lame Duck Session of Congress from the Reverend J. Wright:

Dear Congresspeople,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Speaker Pelosi for inviting me to address the commencement of this session of Congress.  I realize that normally you folks would expect a Reverend like myself to lead an invocation or prayer of some such nonsense.  Instead, I am going to tell you what it is you need to get done.

The United States of Amerikkka is a damned nation.  As an official, ordained Reverend in the United Church of Christ, I am here to present my church's official doctrines and commands for a government that respects true social justice.

First of all, you need to remove the ban on homosexuals being able to openly serve in the military.  You bunch of redneck bigots have no business telling folks who they can love or how they can love 'em.  All you need is love, and love is all you need.  I am here to tell you today there is not one word in the Bible about homosexuality, and you bunch of homophobes need to get over thinking otherwise.  Even if there was something in the Bible about it, it was added later by some European with some sort of psychological complex.  Believe me, I know all about you Europeans and your psychological complexes.  And about you sorry Jews too.  Ought to do just like that reporter lady said and send you all back to Poland and what not.  Well, you better let the homosexuals in, because your chickens are what are lame now, and they're comin' home to roost!

And another thing about that.  We know that it was really you, the racist, white, homophobic, redneck government of Amerikka that introduced the AIDS virus to get rid of black folks.  Then when things didn't work out right, you wanted a scapegoat, so you just picked on the homosexuals.  Speaker Pelosi and I have talked about this at length.  We agree that it's just too big of a coincidence that AIDS appeared when that fascist Reagan was runnin' this country into the ground.  AIDS popped up at the same time a Republican fascist was in charge, and you think it's a coincidence?  No!  It's your chickens comin' home to roost!

Next up, you need to make sure President Obama makes abortion coverage mandatory under this new health care bill of his.  I would tell him that myself, but dem jews won't let me near him.  We at the United Church of Christ have been teachin' for years on the necessity of abortion, and the necessity of the government payin' for poor folks to be able to get 'em.  You better get on that right now!  If you don't, I can promise you your chickens will be comin' home to roost!

While I'm at it, let's about REAL social justice.  How many crackers do I see out there today?  Way too many, that's how many.  You are in a damned nation because you privileged, racist honkeys haven't paid back all the money you owe to me and my proud Black brothers and sisters.  That's right, I'm talkin' bout reparations!  It's way passed time for 'em.  You are a damned nation, and if you don't want to have your lame chickens comin' home to roost for you can finish your lame duck session then we African Americans need our money now!  No justice, no peace!

Now I hear that ofay Boehner and a bunch of his sheet-wearin', cross-burnin', baby-eatin', Bible-thumpin', snake-handlin', racist, homophobe, Islamophobe, misogynist, greedy, thieven' Republicans are about to take this place over next  year.  Well, I've got a message for you!  You are all damned!  You've opposed the Great Messiah Obama, my protege, even if he won't talk to me these days.  I am John the Baptist to His Jesus, and I am here to make the path straight for Him!  You have opposed His great and magnificent ministry from day one, just like your kind did when Jesus was here on Earth.  Well you ain't gonna win this time!  No sir!  You're all damned, along with your racist country!  Your chickens are comin' home to roost real soon here.  You had better repent and get on board now if you know what's good for you.

In closing, I would like to say this.  You are all damned, and so is your country.  That's in the Bible!  No need for you to look for yourselves, I'm an ordained Reverend, so just take my word for it.  Your lame duck session is gonna be a lame-chicken session soon, and they are all gonna be roostin'!

Thank you again Speaker Pelosi for invitin' me to address Congress today, and for signin' off ahead of time on my message.  I'll be lookin' for your check to my congregation in the mail just like you promised.  Elsewise you're gonna be damned too!

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