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Friday, October 8, 2010

Lisa Murkowski explains her write-in Senate candidacy

From the desk of Senator Lisa Murkowski:

Dear Voter,

In light of recent events, I have taken stock of our relationship and decided that I must be the better person. As a result I am here to let you know I am willing to take you back.

I know you have been under a lot of stress lately, and as a result were led astray by those pathetic tea-baggers. I am, however, willing to forgive you and let bygones be bygones. Just remember, it's spelled M-U-R-K-O-W-S-K-I. Try and get it right this time, okay?

Now if we're going to make this relationship work, there's something you have GOT to understand. You have GOT to quit letting your head get turned around every time you see that b**** Palin shaking her little tush at you. Seriously, grow up. I am willing to take you back this time, but if I catch you ogling her again, I WILL CUT IT OFF!!!!!!!!

Okay, look, I know you have your problems. But this is MY seat. My daddy bought and paid for it fair and square. If you don't like it, go get your own. Seriously, if you are going to make this relationship work, you have to go by the rules.

Okay, I know, you get a little bored sometimes and want something else. That happens in all relationships, so I'll tell you what: You know that thing, that special thing, the one you've been wanting but I wouldn't do for you? Well since I'm going to be the better person, I'll go ahead and do it now, just as long as you come on back. That's right, whatever you want, just remember it's spelled M-U-R-K-O-W-S-K-I. And you had better not be thinking about that b**** Palin when you do, OR I WILL CUT IT OFF!!!!!!!!!

Love Forever,

Senator for Life Lisa Murkowski

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