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Saturday, October 9, 2010

President Obama exhorts General Petraeus

From the Desk of President B. Hussein Obama:

Dear General Betrayus,

Okay David, just had to slip that one in. Just so you know there's no hard feelings over that old newspaper ad, you know. Believe me, you and the troops really do have my full support. One-hundred percent full support, you've got it all right. Says so right here on the teleprompter.

At any rate, let's get down to business. What is it with this business about killing some more guys over the border in Pakistan? How many times do I have to tell you, I want this kept small, local and quiet? I've heard quite enough about how the "enemy" (I really HATE that word) runs over the border. Well, General, that's what you want them to do. Then they're not a problem any more. And no, I have no idea what Cambodia has to do with this discussion. Where the h*** is Cambodia anyway, somewhere over by Mongolia?

Please do not EVER deign to lecture me about "lessons from Viet Nam" ever again. Let me explain the real lessons of Viet Nam to you. You got your butt kicked, which is pretty much what an imperialist nation like this had coming, and after you were gone the people there were a lot better off. I know this is true, I see it on CNN all the time.

Look, we both have to make the best of a bad situation here, okay? You know just as well as I do that crazy cowboy W. started this whole mess. I expect you to keep a lid on things until I can get through this November. If you can't get that done, I'll get somebody else. Not like it would be the first time. While you're at it, quit complaining about supply lines for the troops. You can good and well make do with what you've got and be grateful for it. From what I hear a lot of those Taliban guys have less than you do, and look how well they're doing.

At any rate, I just wanted to touch base and let you know you have my full, undivided support. Now don't screw anything up before the election.

Your President for Life,

B. Hussein Obama

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