From the desks of D. Mephistopheles, Attorney-at-Law, and the Rev. J. Wright, United Church of Christ:
Dear Congregants,
It is our great honor to be able to address you in this joint epistle. My good friend, the Rev. J. Wright, is already well known to you for his many years of faithful service. Not only has he been instrumental in the proper training and education of our current fine President, he has set down with me to pen this missive in which we present our fool-proof plan for Rev. Wright's goal of damning Amerikkka (which, as you know, is in the Bible).
As our great President has been recently associated with the United Church of Christ denomination, we expect this denomination should grow in influence within this country. We have already floated the major points within this timely epistle to several of your fellow denominations, and we can assure you that many are already on board (especially the United Methodists and Episcopalians). Thus, without further ado, please allow us to present the Rev. J. Wright program for the damnation of Amerikkka!
Point one: Abortion on demand, including "partial-birth" abortion. We here at the United Church of Christ are now proud supporters of abortion on demand. In keeping with our strong position on the environment (detailed below), we realize that the main problem with the world today (and any other day) is people. Human beings are, quite simply, the scourge of all that is good and peaceful upon this planet. Well, we have a solution: More abortions, fewer people! As a bonus, we will raise an entire generation which has been inured to the destruction of human life. As life grows cheaper and cheaper in their eyes, our beautiful Culture of Death will flourish! Once we can accept the necessity, nay, even the beauty, of crushing the skull of a partially-born child, nothing will be beyond our grasp. Human life will become cheap, Amerikkka will be damned, and our program will proceed! As an aside, we will also work to make sure that these abortions are provided at taxpayer expense, thus ensuring common participation in this practice.
Of course, there are those whom the state would put to death whom we must assure are spared. Specifically, we refer to the archaic and barbaric practices of some states within this nation of executing convicted murderers. While these states try to defend their horrific practice through such legal trickery as "jury trials" and executing only murderers who show "aggravating circumstances" such as rape, torture and mutilation of their "victims", the fact remains far too many murderers are put to death in these states. This pathetic, medieval notion of "justice" must be brought to an end. We should note that the pathetic, illiterate denizens of these states are also the same cretins who oppose our glorious position for legalized abortion. It boggles the mind that they can claim to be "pro-life" over a stupid little blob of cells while simultaneously being willing to execute a "murderer" (who was probably abused as a child and the victim of racism) for his "crimes". We must bring a halt to all executions of murderers, and thus hasten the damnation of Amerikkka, which is, of course, in the Bible.
My good friend Rev. J. Wright and I have also considered another oppressive institution which is a cornerstone of the racist, misogynistic, homophobic and patriarchal nation which is Amerikkka. This institution is, of course, heterosexual marriage, which various bitter clingers throughout the under-educated portions of the nation consider a "divinely-instituted" institution; and its corollary, the pathetic "two-parent" home. The insistence on so many churches of recognizing this pathetic institution has been one of the greatest obstacles to our long term goals. Fortunately, you of the United Church of Christ denomination have been in the vanguard of those who recognize the equality, nay, even the superiority of alternative family arrangements. The advent of gay marriage, the acceptance of homosexuality, bi-sexuality, and now even omni-sexuality, are truly magnificent to behold. Already our friends within the properly enlightened denominations join our cause for full sexual liberation. And thus the damnation of Amerikkka, which is of course in the Bible, proceeds apace.
Finally, please allow us a moment to address the matter of environmentalism. Those of us with my fine firm have long understood what pathetic creatures you human beings truly are, and the great error that was made in allowing your existence. Your pestilential presence upon this sphere has caused us no end of anguish for untold eons. I cannot tell you how truly gratified I am too see that you have come around to our point of view. Now that your "green" movement has come to fruition, you too understand that your kind must end for the good of the planet. And who has been more in charge of defending religious environmentalism than you, our great friends within the United Church of Christ denomination? Once your youth come to appreciate the beauty of a world without humanity, then our Final Solution, carried out through specially empowered panels of Obamacare Enforcement Agents, may be implemented. I look forward to seeing all of you on a much more permanent basis quite soon. Just after the damnation of Amerikkka, which is, of course, in the Bible.
Your friends and spiritual guides,
D. Mephistopheles, Attorney at Law and the Rev. J. Wright.
P.S.
Please stop confusing us with those ridiculous, "non-denominational" churches of Christ. We have nothing to do with them, and quite frankly are sick and tired of their interference with our affairs.
P.S.S.
We have taken the liberty of including some informational links below where you can read more about our positions and Grand Scheme on these matters.
http://www.ucc.org/justice/advocacy_resources/pdfs/reproductive-health-and-justice/reproductive-health-and-justice.pdf
http://deathpenalty.procon.org/view.source.php?sourceID=006278
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/national/05church.html
http://www.webofcreation.org/ncc/statements/ucc.html
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