Andrew Cuomo wants your vote

From the desk of Andrew Cuomo:

Dear Voter,

It has come to my attention that large numbers of you are actually considering giving your vote to that windbag a****** Paladino this November. First and foremost, I would like to stress to each of you f****** morons who is thinking about voting for that s***head Paladino that I completely respect your right to vote, even if you're completely f****** in the head. That being the case, there are a few things we need to talk about before the election.

Did you know that it's now possible to cross-reference your state tax form with your voter i.d.? Sure, it's old technology. So while you're voting for the candidate of your choice, event that f***w**,d********, c********* Paladino, please remember that it just MIGHT be POSSIBLE that the Attorney General can see who you voted for and cross reference it with your tax i.d. I know, I know, some people scream about "privacy" all the time, but only criminals really worry about that. If you're doing the right thing, and hey, we're all gonna do the right thing here, okay, then you don't have to worry about privacy.

On an unrelated issue, let's talk about yard signs. I see a few of you dumba**** have Paladino signs out in the yards in front of your bedbug infested dumps. You do know we have imminent domain around here, right? I'd hate it if your neighbors or somebody started filing a complaint about your property just because of a stupid f******* Paladino sign in the yard, and then there was an inspection, and then your property got condemned. Not that it would be connected to the election, but s*** happens, you know.

On the other hand, say you had a couple of nice Cuomo yard signs out front sprucing the place up. Why that could actually INCREASE your property values, not to mention drive down crime by the very mention of my name. So if somebody was having trouble with the local code board, say, and had a couple of MY signs out front, then the A.G.'s office could explain to those yokels how things really worked. You know what I mean.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts I wanted to share with you headed into November. Have a nice f******* day.

Sincerely,

Future Governor Andrew Cuomo