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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

NAACP releases report on Tea Party

From the desk of NAACP Honcho Benjamin Todd Jealous:

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I want to give you a proper summary of our extensively researched and documented study of the so-called "Tea-Party" movement, more properly known by their correct name, the Tea-baggers.  Please make yourselves familiar with these findings, and make sure the word gets out.  We can't let these Tea-baggers take Our Great Messiah Obama down.

We know the "majority" of the Tea-bagger party-people are sincere, principled people who have good will towards those who look and talk just like they do.  But really, do these facts excuse the odious racism that constantly emanates from these dirty crackers to befoul our sensitive nostrils?  So what if they are sincere?  Weren't those Jews who killed Jesus sincere?  You bet they were.  Did their sincerity make Him any less dead?  Well?  And so what if they have principles?  Principles can be evil.  Some of the principles that those Tea-baggers embrace would include racism, homophobia, islamophobia, misogyny and probably pedophilia.  Those are all principles, but would you want some nit-infested redneck dirtying up your living room with those principles?  And of course they have good will towards each other.  If there's one thing you can count on in a bunch of honkeys, it's that they'll always stick together against us.

Now let's get serious here.  These ofays are out there for one reason, and one reason only.  They want to take down our blessed Messiah and President, the Benevolent, Wise and Caring Great One, B. Hussein Obama.  Do not be confused or distracted by the deceiving rhetoric of these tea-baggers.  They use code-words to cover their insidious deviltry.  Let me give you a list of the code-words you can expect to hear at a tea-bagger rally, and what they REALLY mean.

1.  "Fiscal responsibility".  Sounds good, doesn't it?  But what does a Tea-bagger klansman really mean by this phrase?  He means you can't trust a Brother with your money.  After all, we finally have a true African American in charge of the country and NOW all these white goonie-birds want to start talking about fiscal responsibility.  Did they talk about that when that blue-eyed devil George W. Bush was running the country?  Well?  No they did not!  Only when a Brother is running the country do they get all worried about the money.  Typical cracker nonsense, but what can you really expect from their kind?

2.  "Sanctity of Marriage".  Oh, their going to play the "morality" card now.  Well, what does that really mean?  Oh, you know it, go ahead and say it.  That's right.  They mean that "N-word" is looking at my fine white woman.  You know those Tea-baggers can't stand the thought of a True Black Man in the "White" House.  They see a Mighty African Prince standing over them with authority, and all they can think about is they're going to lose their women.  Well, it would serve them right.

3.  "Voting Rights".  Seriously?  What do the albinos know about not having their voting rights, anyway?  You have two Brothers get a little carried away just one time, and all of the sudden every redneck, cracker, ofay, blue-eyed devil in the whole country gets all concerned about "voting rights".  Take it from me, if the two Brothers out front would have been two Klansmen in Selma, nobody would have said a word.  So why do you suppose the Tea-baggers want to scream so much about one little mis-communication in Philly?

4.  "Uncle Toms and Oreos".  Well, that one isn't actually part of the Tea-bagger lexicon.  That's what we're going to be calling all these sell-out, so-called "Brothers" who have been showing up at the Tea-bagger rallies and consorting with the enemy.  I don't care what your excuse is, or what you think you're doing.  A Black Man has got no business criticizing Our Great Messiah, and anyone who does isn't really a Black Man any more, and we KNOW how to handle that.  If you don't get my meaning, ask Juan Williams.

Now I do want to add, some of my best friends are white people.  But they are the right kind of white people.  They know their place and they know their race.  They still feel the guilt for what their grandfathers did to our proud people.  They know how to vote, and how to keep their mouths shut if they think they don't like what Our Great Messiah Obama is doing for this country.  So I have no problem with white people, as long as they know how to act.

Okay, I think that about wraps it up for now.  You know what we're up against.  Let's get out there, and remember, "No Justice, No Peace".  And for crying out loud, leave the "Kill Whitey" signs at home this time.  You know Fox News just loves showing us carrying those around.


NAACP Honcho Benjamin Todd Jealous

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