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Friday, October 8, 2010

Dear American Spectator/National Review/Weekly Standard Reader:

From the desk of President B. Hussein Obama:

Dear American Spectator/National Review/Weekly Standard Reader,

Once again I find Myself maligned by the readers of this despicable magazine. Once the fairness doctrine, net neutrality and the people's airwaves are fully implemented, I shall no longer be forced to tolerate such recriminations. In the meantime, however, I will deign to reply to your blasphemous questions. Please try to keep up as best you can with your feeble mind.

I assure you, the pittance you contribute to my salary is quite small. I am well-provided for by means other than the pitiful paycheck I receive for my unappreciated public service as President for Life. In point of fact, my rather "non-traditional" compensation package is quite generous, well beyond anything your pathetic efforts could provide. I have a contractual guarantee for these benefits in perpetuity, negotiated on my behalf by my attorney, Mr. D. Mephistopheles, whom my good friend and mentor the Rev. J. Wright was kind enough to introduce me to.

Furthermore, how dare you accuse Me of being "anti-American"? Have I not spent years toiling away in public service, as a law professor, community organizer, and elected official? Just because your idea of "Amerikkka" does not match my Divine Wisdom does not make me "anti-America". If anything, it is America which is anti-Obama, and thus it is America which must change its ways, not me. The sooner you bitter clingers in the hinterlands realize this, the better it will be for you.

As to this matter of "Divine Intervention": Well of course I, your President for Life, will continue to intervene in your affairs. Quite frankly I find it baffling that at one moment you deride My patriotism, then in the next you request My intervention. Perhaps you should seek psychiatric help in this matter. Or you could simply continue to pray to Me, whichever works better for you.

The Republicans? Oh, that's a laugher. My friendly attorney D. Mephistopheles has assured me that large numbers of their leadership have compensation packages quite similar to my own which he negotiated on their behalf.

How do you survive? Obey. Obey. Obey. You need to get used to the idea. My good friend and adviser, one H. Chavez, has shown me a clear path to continuing My Leadership in perpetuity, to the great blessing of this benighted nation. I will bring the light. Trust and Obey Me, and perhaps I will be merciful in spite of your previous unfaithfulness.

 Your President for Life,

B. Hussein Obama

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