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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Obama Gets Out the Base

From the Desk of President B. Hussein Obama:

Dear American Voters,

I want to take this opportunity to briefly explain why you simply MUST get out and vote this November 2 in support of our many fine Democratic candidates.  There are several good reasons for you to do so, and I would like to touch on a few of them at this time.

First of all, recent polls suggest that former President Bush is now running neck and neck with Me in public opinion polling.  This suggests that the Republicans have hatched a secret plan to bring that hateful and hated warmonger cowboy back as President!  Think about it:  first the Republicans take over the Congress, then they bring back Bush!  It is definitely possible that they have hatched just such a nefarious scheme.  Some of you have suggested to me that this is not possible due to something about "the Constitution" and "an amendment".  Quite frankly, I've never actually had the time to set down and read the thing (sooooooo ancient and boring, and I've got a lot of golf to catch up on) so I'll just have to take your word for it.  But even so, I can tell you that the constitution never stops me from doing what I want to, so why would the Republican be any different?  So let's get out the vote to defeat Bush!

Not only do we need to defeat Bush, we need to show the world that you people are over being the bunch of racist rednecks you have been in the past.  Let's face it, up until two years ago this was the most racist, backward, bigoted, redneck country on the face of the Earth.  Two years ago you finally managed to get something right for the very first time.  If you turn around and change your minds now that will totally blow it!  Do you really want our great friends in Saudi Arabia, China, Pakistan and Turkey having to look down on you again because you can't get it together on human rights?  And how can you get it together on human rights if you reject Me, the Great Unifier of All Enlightened Ones?  So get out the vote to show that you're finally catching up with the Yemenis on human rights!

As to you seniors, let Me remind you of what you have to be reminded of every election cycle:  If the Republicans win they'll take away you're Social Security and Medicare, and probably institute death panels to boot!  That's right, if you don't vote Democrat there will be a freeze on your annual Cost of Living Adjustment for Social Security.  Medicare will be stripped of funding, and you will be left out in the cold, eating cat food and waiting to die.  So get out and vote for My party to make sure that there are no Medicare cuts, no Social Security freezes, and no death panels!

Finally, I expect you to do all you can to ensure My victory in November.  You need to vote Democrat.  You need to take your friends and family and have them vote Democrat instead.  Maybe you could offer them a prize or incentive to get out and vote for Me.  Many of you have pets (especially you "eccentric" senior ladies and your cats).  Well remember, pets are people too!  Just go down to your local Democratic Party HQ and they'll make sure fluffy gets her absentee ballot.  They can even fill it out for you!

Looking forward to seeing your smiling faces at my next rally.

Your President for Life,

B. Hussein Obama

P.S.  I really hate to have to say it, but some of these polls I've seen force me to bring it up.  Are you a bunch of racists?  If not, then it's time to prove it.  Remember, vote Democrat to prove you are not a gun-toting, Bible-clinging, racist, homophobe, xenophobe, redneck who wants to kill old people and children and go back to the old United States of Amerikkka.  

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