Total Pageviews

Friday, October 8, 2010

Harry Reid supports "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

From the Desk of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid:

Dear fellow Democratic Senators:

After reflecting on our current "don't ask, don't tell" policy, I believe that we should not only keep it in place, but expand it, as it may well increase our chances at electoral success. Here are some areas where we should further implement "don't ask, don't tell".

1) Medicare cuts to fund Obamacare. I understand that off year elections are heavily influenced by the "senior" (old fart) vote. Due to misrepresentation by the press, many of these seniors have come to believe we are cutting $500 billion from Medicare to fund Obamacare. Some of them have even heard about the compassion committees that will determine when they have used enough resources. I strongly suggest using a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in regards to any questions about Medicare cuts are alleged "rationing" to fund Obamacare.

2) TARP. Many voters have been quite upset by the funds we provided to save the banking industry. Being the yokel rubes that they are, they fail to see how our taking more of our own money from them to save failing banks is actually good for taxpayers. Rather than trying to explain this to them for the umpteenth time, simply implement a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about any federal bailouts for struggling industry. Let's face it, they're just plain too dumb to understand it anyway.

3) Our President. While we understand that Our Dear Fearless Leader has brought a new period of understanding and reconciliation to our nation, many of those who have yet to receive His true enlightenment are still distrustful of Him. Thus, on any question of whether we support Our Great Leader Obama, I suggest a policy of "don't ask, don't tell", however painful that may be for some of us.

4) "Lame duck session". Some snide prognosticators have actually suggested that many of us will lose our bids for re-election. While I realize this is a laughable idea, we have begun to receive questions about whether we would proceed with our agenda "against the will of the people" (as if!) in a "lame-duck" session. Once again, simply for the purpose of avoiding ugly scenes at those dreadful town-hall meetings, I strongly suggest a policy of "don't ask, don't tell".

Your Fearless Master and Commander of the Senate,

Harry Reid

No comments:

Post a Comment