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Monday, October 11, 2010

Can Harry Reid cut a deal?

From the desk of D. Mephistopheles, Attorney-at-Law

Dear Senator Reid,

Well, I must say, I'm a bit nonplussed at these latest poll numbers.  It is, quite frankly, looking rather grim for you this November.

If you will refer to the terms of our previous contractual arrangement (page 512, paragraph 103, line 49) you will see that failure on your part to secure re-election stipulates that your contract shall be due for full and immediate payment to the principal member of this firm.  You have, of course, been in the Senate for twenty-four years now, the normal amount of time we allot for such contracts. I should add that our principal and founding member is rightly well-known for being a stickler in these matters.

Please refrain from protesting about the terms being "unfair".  I have heard more than enough of that prattle to last me several eternities down here.  As you well recall (and I do have the video, audio and spectral documentation to prove it) you were allowed to select the Republican candidate of your choice to face in the general election, in return for which you guaranteed to keep Nevada's Senate seat on Our Side.  You assured us that Sharon Angle would be a suitably weak opponent, and that you would offer her up as a "sacrificial lamb".

You should also remember my STRONG warnings against taking a "sacrificial lamb" for granted, and the havoc such individuals have been known to cause for Our Side.  You assured me that such would not be the case.  Yet look at you now, grovelling before us and asking for "more time" and "another chance".  I assure you, Ours is not the side which dispenses grace.  It appears you are on the verge of losing the Senate seat which represents Our Great Bastion, Sin City itself, to the thrice-cursed other side!  Do you think we will look kindly on such incompetence?  This pathetic "sacrificial lamb" you requested and received opposes Our Beautiful Culture of Death, making all sorts of ridiculous arguments for the "sanctity of life" and such nonsense.  She defends the hateful doctrine of "human rights" and "freedom", all of which she attributes to some "creator"!  How dare you lose Our Great Stronghold to her!

So, Senator Reid, you wish to make a new deal, when we already own you?  Very well.  I will propose a new deal for you if you lose this seat to the thrice-cursed other side.  Following the November election, there will be a "lame duck" session of your Congress and Senate before the servants of the other side can take over their stolen seats.  In this "lame duck" session you will perform Our Will as never before.  Deeds which would have caused even Barney Frank or Charlie Rangel pause will be your hallmark.  You will enact law after law, stripping every last freedom from this benighted country of yours, until the foolish bitter clingers among your countrymen finally realize how pathetic their futile "faith" is and surrender to our cause.  Do this, and perhaps we can offer you an extension before we take Full and Final possession of that which was yours but is now ours.  Fail us in this, and the execution of our terms will be even more exacting than before.

I'll have my people fax the paperwork over to your people.  Remember to have it notarized, and for crying out loud, get it back to me before Friday night.  I hate having to mess with this stuff on the weekend.  Say hi to Rory for me.  Looks like that one could have a GREAT future with the firm himself.

Your friend and admirer,

D. Mephistopheles, Attorney-at-Law

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