Total Pageviews

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Jack Conway is a Devil Worshiper

From the desk of Kentucky Attorney General Jack Conway:

Dear Kentucky Voters,

I would like to take a few brief moments to address the concerns that have arisen over my having been a devil worshiper. There are a few mitigating circumstances I would like to point out to you that I believe will make all the difference.

First of all, my devil worship took place during my college years at Duke University. I believe we can all agree that ALMOST anything can be forgiven if you did it at college. The one exception, of course, would be worshiping an Aqua Buddha. Worshiping a Blue Devil is okay while you're in college, worshiping an Aqua Buddha is unforgivable. Please bear that in mind as you head to the voting booth.

Some wags have also noted that to this day I still proclaim my loyalty to the Blue Devils (not to be confused with Aqua Buddhas) of Duke University. Well, you really need to understand, there is a big social network of Duke graduates out there, fellow travelers in youthful Devil worship, if you will, and it's important I keep in contact with them for professional purposes. And yes, I do sing the Duke Alma Mater, which does pledge my unending worship and loyalty to the Blue Devils. But what can I say? You have to be true to your school.

Seriously people, you know the whole "Blue Devil" thing is just a college gag, right? It's not something serious and anti-Christian like, say, an Aqua-Buddha. Remember, Blue Devil good, Aqua Buddha bad.

Finally, as to the last rumor out there: If the top basketball prospects in the state of Kentucky want to go to Duke instead of the UK, that's their business. So what if a sitting senator helps them to make up their minds that way? After all, you've got to be true to your school. Remember, Blue Devils good, Aqua Buddha and Wildcats bad.


Future Senator and Current Devil Worshiper Jack Conway

No comments:

Post a Comment