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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Eric Holder appoints a new Federal Marshal to ensure voter protection

From the desk of Attorney General Eric Holder:

To: John F. Clark, Director, U.S. Marshal Service

Dear Mr. Clark,

Of late there has been considerable discussion over the matter of voter intimidation at certain polling places, as well as the responsibility of the Department of Justice to protect voters.  As there seems to have been some confusion about our responsibilities and policies in this area, I am sending you this memo in order to make sure you are fully aware of your department's responsibilities in this matter. 

As Assistant Attorney General King has already indicated to you, it is NOT your responsibility to ensure free access to polling places for persons of European or Asian descent.  In certain instances, such as the matter of undocumented aliens, you should work to protect the voting rights of Hispanics.  Finally, in all instances you must ensure the voting rights of African Americans.  Please make sure that your subordinates are aware that any deviation from these guidelines is grounds for immediate dismissal.  As Ms. King has previously stated, there are now two black men running this country.  Any polling practices which might change this are unacceptable, and of course prima facia evidence of Racism, which is grounds for immediate termination and subsequent criminal prosecution. 

Some of your subordinates have apparently been questioning what they mistakenly believe to be an "unequal" enforcement of the laws concerning voter protection.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  These laws are being enforced EXACTLY as they were intended.  These laws were passed to protect African Americans and disenfranchised Hispanics from their caucasian oppressors.  It was never the intent of these laws to provide any protection to caucasians.  The fact of the matter is that caucasians already constitute a majority of this country's population, and as such are not capable of being discriminated against, nor of having their rights infringed.  Only minorities such as African Americans are in need of legal protection in these matters.  As African Americans are an oppressed minority, they are not capable of true racism.  In point of fact, any anger which they may feel towards caucasians is completely justified; and any actions they may take as a result, including minor altercations at polling places, are not significant enough in their impact on the electorate as a whole to constitute a breach of Federal protections. 

In order to help you with this matter I am providing you with some extra manpower.  As of today I am appointing a Mr. King Samir Shabazz as the U.S. Marshal for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.  Mr. Shabazz has extensive experience working as a poll watcher on behalf of the Democratic Party, and is well acquainted with various riot-control tools.  Mr. Shabazz will personally ensure that there are not polling practices which conflict with the policies of the U.S. Department of Justice in this district.  Mr. Shabazz has, furthermore, been good enough to provide me with a list of individuals with whom he is well-acquainted who will make excellent Marshals for this purpose to serve in other areas of the country.  Please be advised that Our Great President for Life has already reviewed and approved of this plan, and that I am appointing these individuals directly per my authority as Attorney General.  Also please be aware that you will not need to contact these individuals, as we have set up a system whereby they may report directly to myself.  This will, of course, streamline your agency's operations and thus clear up plenty of time for you to find other things to look into.

Once again, please make it clear to your subordinates that their complete adherence to this policy is required at all times.  Please make them aware that they are to render whatever services and aid required by Mr. Shabazz and his associates.  Adherence to this policy is of the utmost importance, for only by complete obedience to these directives may we reach a day when we have true racial unity in this nation.  As a side note, if Mr. Shabazz says anything to you about "killing white infants in their cribs", please remind him to take his medication as scheduled.  He does sometimes forget.

Thank you for your complete co-operation,

Attorney General Eric Holder

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